why do my bones hate me?

well, we may have spoken to soon on the "things are on the upswing" stuff...

Robin took me to Apheresis today and brought me coffee and a scone (thanks!!!) and Emily picked me up and made me lunch (thanks!!!). Despite all this positive energy, another dismal CD34 count, even despite the very powerful drug Mozobil that everyone swears works.

I mean, really. I think people need to stop telling me about things that work for 85% of people because I have never been in that percentage. Remember, 85% of people are completely CURED by the first chemo they get in my cancer, not me. Another huge majority get a complete remission from ICE chemo (again, not me). Most people mobilize stem cells with Neupogen alone (not me), and those who don't DEFINITELY mobilize with this stuff Mozobil (not me- big surprise there!). Face it people! I am in the very small minority of folks who are having a hell of a time getting this thing out of them! Plan for the worst and stop giving me false hope!

After a gallon of salty tears and the weekly requisite "WHY ME?!" wailing and flailing, I dried my face, turned on 30 Rock for distraction, and shot myself with my 18th shot of Neupogen (it gets easier, btw, if anyone is reading this looking for stem cell stories, etc., the least you have to worry about is giving yourself a shot. Take it from someone who used to cry at the sight of needles! It can be done!). I got in a cab and went to the clinic, cried some more there to anyone who even acknowledged me (not trying to brag but I have lots of friends there, haha), and my doc made a surprise guest appearance right as I was whimpering about wondering "if it is all worth it" ... yes I DO get that melodramatic. And you would too!

He told me that while my stupid old bones did a bangup job getting the stem cells out, that they would do the transplant anyway. Yup. He said it just means that the recovery will be a bitch, and the re-infusion will take forever instead of 30 minutes. OK, THAT I can deal with, Doc! Come on I am a total badass in the hospital (all those drugs at your whim, who isn't!?). My biggest fear was being told that I will have to postpone or cancel the transplant.

He did try to tell me he was going out of town and wanted me to push back the date if I could, I told him, Sorry Joe, I have a date with my real life in mid-January and... I'mma let you finish, but thanksgiving day is the best hospital admission day in the world. So... no postponement. We are preparing for a Turkey Day Takeoff.

It WOULD be awesome if I can mobilize a few million cells tomorrow...

Erika is taking me and hanging with me!