chemo update 4. no frills edition.

Chemo #4 update and other stuff...

Thursday went well, Saif sat with me and almost taught me how to play chess on his computer except... I don't really remember what to do. Something about rooks and knights and L shapes and checkmates but it's all a bit blurry now. I think he thinks I have the potential to play this game based on my cunning in other games of strategy... Then we listened to music and did a whole bunch of time wasting tv show chatting with my awesome nurse... and then it was time to go. I forgot to pick up my anti-nausea meds on the way out, and realized it after I was already home. Luckily, our hero Saif volunteered to pick me up at 8AM and take me back to the doctor when they opened, in order to get my white blood count shot and to pick up my meds in time to take them. 

This round's side effects are still kicking in, as per usual. Friday was mostly fine (I hung out with Allie, Sam, and Mama G!), and crashed a bit early. Saturday was great, I slept in and met Greg (with a surprise appearance by Wojo and a lovely meet and greet with my favorite boyfriend of a friend turned friend in his own right, Roman) for the movies. We saw Inglourious Basterds, the new Quentin Tarantino movie with Brad Pitt. Not bad. A bit bloody but definitely funny and crazy in parts... (true QT). I came home and crashed some more, and woke up around 11PM to go to The Raven for Mike's little bday get together. So nice to live down the street from a great dive bar... almost zero effort to show up and buy someone a Schlitz and sing along to Al Green... Promptly crashed out again around 2AM...

Now it's Sunday, traditionally the worst day and has been consistently crappy. I woke up to some beautiful weather and had the strength to waltz down to the 7-11 for the Times and the Post but by the time I had made my coffee and gotten to the Travel section I was dozing off. Today I have been feeling really weak and tired, unable to really move around without a concerted effort, and generally sick... just like the mini-flu (thanks to the white blood count shot). At times I think about how much better I would feel if I was just getting chemo and not this stupid Neulasta shot, but then I remember the stories I have heard about people getting neutropenia (their white blood counts go so low that they have no infection protection)... they end up in the hospital for days, they can't eat fruits and vegetables, etc. and that sounds absolutely terrible! I would rather feel like I have a hangover for two days every other week than to be in the hospital. So, I will suck it up. 

Other side effects, same as last time, a bit of indigestion in my throat (like something's stuck) and a numb mouth that makes food a bit... uninspiring. 

Hair update: it's still there, though it's definitely coming out. I don't really know how to explain it other than I started out with a lot. As grateful as I am for not having to wear a wig just yet, I am feeling a bit anxious about it and afraid that I have lost some of the bravery I was holding for the big head shaving experience. I worked myself up to this point where I was like, "whatever it's just hair, it will grow back" and recently, as I keep waking up to hair, I find myself secretly wishing it will never come out. This is against logic however, because it is definitely coming out (just slowly). 

For those keeping track, this was four of twelve infusions, so I am 1/3 done! It is hard to believe that this much time has passed, but I am also aware that the effects might be cumulative and that it will be getting a bit worse. My hope is that I can just get through it with minimal damage to my work and social lives. In an ideal world I would actually be able to make progress in those two areas, but I will settle for equilibrium and maintenance...